My Journey on a Break from Ironman. Sometimes, life just tells you, you need a break. So this year. After a long year of training in 2016. I’ve given myself permission to not do an Ironman for 2017. It was a tough decision. Because I think I have been using Ironman training as a way to cope and avoid a lot of other things in my life. I used it as a way to not fully engage in life, and the things that I’ve not allowed myself to think about because I’ve been to scared to admit them to myself. So this year, is my “Year of Taking Control of the Basics”. My Health, My Wealth, and my Happiness.
I've already started on a few things....
After last year’s training and literally self sabotaging my training to the point where I no longer cared about what happen. I went as far as almost not doing my Ironman in Canada. I was willing to give up on myself. But, somewhere deep down, I knew that I had to try, better to try and fail, then not and feel even more like a failure. I’m so glad that I did. And I’m so glad I had enough to make it to the finish. It was by far an amazing course, maybe my favorite, one that I would love to do again in the future (with correct training). I never started a race before seconds away from a panic attack and crying. But, thanks to some kind words of a friend and BASE Team member, I somehow managed a complete switch standing on that beach minutes before the canon went off to start my race. In my heart, I truly believe, that is what saved me and helped me to be able to focus and complete the race.
But something also broke out there on the course, especially when I was on the run in the dark, fighting demons in my head about my life, and why I was really doing this. Why I loved it. And when I crossed the finished line and didn’t get the medal that I was depending on so much to feel alive, something broke a little bit more. This could not be my whole life. I couldn’t use Ironman to be the reason to determine my happiness. I was feeling very disillusioned though the year on the whole process and on racing Ironman. While I loved it and that feeling of accomplishment (nothing has ever quite come as close as running down that finisher’s chute and crossing under that arch), I didn’t love it as much as I used too. And, I hurt myself phsyically out there, mainly due to the lack of training. While I had the nausea, I also had severe stabbing back pain. So much pain, it was impossible to run. I couldn’t walk straight. And the self sabotage wasn’t good on my body or my weight either during the training year. Which only contributed more to the pain. It took me a good month to get my back feeling better again. Having to use many different things, E-stim, Yoga, pills to calm the pain and get through the day. And I realized, this is not how I want to do this. So. I stated it out loud. Too many people. “I am not doing another full in 2017”. I need a break. My body needs a break. I need to make a change. I need to experience all the things I’ve put on hold and ignored since I started doing Ironman's in 2010. I need to fall in love with it again, and with myself. Traveling for my job has also made it a bit of a challenge. Ironman is hard enough to train for, but doing it alone with all the training, well, I think I hit my breaking point this year. But also, I know without my traveling, I could not have experienced all the amazing places, new friends and memories I got in return.
So. I sit here, at the end of my 42nd year in life. Reminiscing on all the amazing highs and lows of the last year. My year of Organized Chaos. And I’m floundering, and feeling a bit lost, and feeling a bit depressed, but I’m starting to face some of my internal demons, my fears, and feelings. And it’s uncomfortable, and it’s also a bit liberating. And somewhere at the start of my birthday month, I felt a change in my momentum. A good change, hence my following plan. So, right now, I’m going to just BE….
So As a Gift to myself for my 43rd Birthday. I’m going to explore all the things that I’ve been missing, or putting off, or not engaging in fully. I’m going to do 43 things for myself for my 43rd year of life. Things that I’ve missed doing with all my training. Things that scare me. Things that I have been avoiding. Things I need to face and to help me grow. I am sure I have more then 43 things. But this is where I’m going to start. So, my 2017 “Ironman Journey” blog, is going to be a bit more about my “Year Away from Ironman, and Taking Control of the Basics”.
So I start my list below, and I also ask a favor of my friends and family to help me. What things have we talked about in the past, that I have said I wanted to do?? Let me know if there was something I was passionate about, that I may not have listed below. Please feel free to list below in the Facebook Post, or PM, text me if it was more personal. Consider this your Happy Birthday Gift to me. And also, if it’s something you want to do. Let’s do it together! My plan is to document them as I go. Even it's just a picture for proof of getting it done. I'm not sure when I'll get to each one. I'm just going to BE Open to the moment and experience what comes my way.
- Say “Yes” to everything for a day.
- Learn to play the Ukulele (3-6-17)
- Learn how to do oil painting, by finger-painting. (3-5-17)
- Visit Museums (7-5-17)
- Visit the top of the Eiffel Tower
- Write my name in Sparklers (or glow sticks! 1-1-18)
- Release a Paper Lantern at a Festival, and take pictures. (10-6-17)
- Go camping/hiking/waterfalls as much as possible. (4-23-14)
- Climb a Mountain…or two
- Hike the Grand Canyon again. Rim-River-Rim, or Havasupai
- Spend the night in a tree house
- Get another tattoo
- Kiss a stranger, or be kissed unexpectedly
- Paddle board on Lake Tahoe.
- Go Skiing in Tahoe/ Mt Rose (3-12-17)
- Get in a Yoga Routine/Meditation Routine
- Tell someone how you really feel about them. No Regrets. (12-3-17)
- Run/Race Tahoe Rock/Ragner/Serendipity Races? (Mar, Apr, June)
- Live on the Ocean for the Summer ( July-Present)
- Go Sailing
- Yosemite
- Running on the beach (June -Jan.)
- Dance in the Rain
- Be brave enough to start a conversation that matters.
- ***TOP SECRET THING*** (4-23-17)
- ***TOP SECRET THING***
- See the Reno Arch at Night. (3-5-17)
- Maybe.... MAYBE??? Bungee Jump or Hot Air Balloon Ride
- Snow Angels for my Birthday (3-5-17)
- Take a Glass Blowing Class (6-13-17)
- Make a Blanket (afghan) (2-23-18)
- Sea Glass Beach In California .(7-3-17)
- Learn Salsa Dancing ( 3-24-17)
- Home to MI for Twin Nephews Graduation (May19-26)
- Feel the Power of a storm blowing in over a lake/ocean. (6-11-17)
- Sea Kayak on the Ocean through Caves (9-6-17)
- Hug a Redwood Tree. (9-10-17 11-6-17)
- Go out Whale Watching (2-24-18)
- Weekend Exploring San Francisco
- Daffodil Hill during my birthday month in Volcano, CA
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